I have been living in New York now for a year, and what a year! I have taken thousands of small steps along the sidewalks of NY, met what might well equal an actual ton of people, and grown in ways I thought not possible, in ways I was not expecting upon arrival.

I’ve done everything from break my piggy bank to get to the last stash of dollar coins for subway fare, to hanging out on the 15th floor of a building on Wall Street drinking champagne at 3 AM; from dancing ecstatically at a club in Harlem, to hearing intimate life stories of complete strangers in quiet passing moments. I’ve made friends with artists, families, my local restaurant owners, the UPS man, my beloved housemates, and even our landlord. I’ve seen works of art that have moved me to tears, and giggled at the humor in the hoity-toity. I’ve been on a tour of the US with some of the coolest guys I’ve ever met, and had the privilege of playing music I love to listen to as well as play. It’s been a strange magical mystery trip that keeps me in suspense of what will happen next…

I had lunch with with my friend Erin today, who I haven’t seen since in too many years. We were talking about how lives change and how you evaluate what you’re doing vs. what you thought you’d be doing, and what a trap that can be; the whole “figuring it out” myth. He said “When you get into linear thinking that’s when you start getting in trouble.”

We get tied, and tie ourselves to so many labels… I do this job, I live here, I am this type of person… as if we’re characters all floating around in some universal blockbuster and we have to feel squeezed in to a certain category. The producers of reality television have mastered this, they even narrow down “reality” to types in their subjects.

I’m really excited about my new project, Young Unknowns. Besides the fact that myself and everyone in it are largely unknown (or unknown to anyone outside our immediate friends), the name has a certain freedom to it, for me, that I like. As a music artist I am constantly getting asked to put myself in a genre, or compared to things that have come before, or sized up in tiny paragraph (and that’s if I’m lucky!). I’m eyed with suspicion among some, admiration among others, and indifference to many. I plug away at music because it’s my love in life… the creation and spark of a new song keeps me alive in a way nothing else does.

When we label ourselves, we limit ourselves. We get trapped by our own inventions of who we think we are supposed to be. Call it ego, call it behavioral psychology, call it whatever you want. When we wake up in the morning we are all free spirits. We have the opportunity to choose what we do with our time and our lives, regardless of what anybody else thinks of us. We are making choices everyday to be on a path. We feel trapped sometimes, happy other times, sad at times, nothing at times. We worry about what other people think of us and we fear being alone, we spent our energy in all different directions and at the end of the day feel spent. Then we turn on the TV or pick up a magazine and are faced with a whole other world of people who seem to be super-human, with lives supposedly more interesting, more successful, and more valuable, than our own.

Reflecting on my conversation today I realize, I don’t want to be a superhuman. I just want to be a human. I want to still appreciate an ice cream cone on a hot day as a special treat. I want to smile at the mailman behind the counter at the post office who stamps my packages. I want to take my shoes off and wade in the river. I want to say those important things on my mind even if they come out all funny and jumbly and stupid. I want to have faults and frustrations that keep me striving for something better, and keep me humble too. I want to lay on the grass and stare at the sky and breathe, not sit in a fancy box and look out the glass at a 2 dimensional world. I want to cry at sad movies, and laugh at funny moments in real life. I want to believe that real miracles still happen.

As a perfectionist, it’s taken me a long time to realize, and it is with complete honesty, that I am finally able to admit, I don’t want my life to be “perfect,” and I am actually enjoying it quite alot that way. This freedom has moved me towards a whole new space for expression, and I like it.

I don’t know what’s coming next, it probably won’t be perfect, but nonetheless, it’s coming…

We started out going from NYC to Columbus, OH, then down to New Orleans for the Foburg Festival, where we met up with some other great NY bands like The Forms and Tiny Victories, as well as some great local New Orleans bands like The Tumbleweeds. From there we went to Nashville to play at The Basement, then onto my home state of Oklahoma to play the very cultural Eclipse Cultural House in Tulsa, where we enjoyed their projections of Greek sculptures as well as a great young local scene!

From Tulsa, we crashed in Norman at my pals’ house (Ty Hardiman, Dylan Mackey, and Josh Jones of The Evangelicals), and it was great to eat breakfast at the Earth Cafe in the morning on Campus Corner! Then onto Austin for SXSW madness…

We had three shows in Austin and enjoyed the BANDS! BANDS! BANDS! until we couldn’t take any more bands. Met up with fellow travelers from NY, New Orleans, and pals from Los Angeles. Lots of free beer, parties (including my favorite Under The Radar magazine parties, who had amazing lineups as always!) then headed back to New Orleans to visit our lovely wonderful hostess Virginia and play three more shows there. The weather was simply amazing!
We ate Loretta’s Pralines, played at a giant hippie tree house, and saw some real jazz voodoo going on in the clubs! We also ran into (again) Arrah and the Ferns, and Big Tree from California. New Orleans … I love that place.

Left New Orleans and headed up to Knoxville, TN, where we played on the Blue Plate Special for WDVX, which was a really cool and fun experience to play for the community and be on the air. After that, we enjoyed playing at The Preservation Pub that night along with some amazing local musicians, and also the wonderful folk songstress Shelley Short. The epic day in Knoxville ended at a house party in the country with Tiny Victories and Monogold from Brooklyn, who played amazing intimate basement sets late into the night.

We headed out in the morning for Lexington and arrived at the historic Green Lantern bar, where we were greeted by the local gentleman Rhodes Kelly, who gave us some of the bar’s history. We enjoyed pizza from the Gray Goose nearby, hung out and played pool, and played to an enthusiastic crowd after the UK game. After we played, the Lexington band The Swells threw down some crazy tunes, and the dance floor was a web of celebratory madness late into the night! Lexington knows how to party!

We have a week left on the tour and are looking forward to our upcoming shows in Toledo, Rochester, Buffalo, and Rossdale… then back home to Brooklyn, hopefully, bring a little spring from the South with us.

It’s been an amazing tour so far, gifted with many other great musicians and folks along the way. It’s great to get out into other parts of America I’ve never explored before, and see people so enthusiastic about music and life in general. I love being in the moment while touring, talking to folks and hearing stories, new music, and taking photos of cool little hidden corners.

And now… for a nap…

This goes hand in hand with the seeming mysterious theme life has presented me with this month… Being in harmony with myself, while dealing with others.

I’m beeboppin’ along, trying to focus on what’s important, and having the courage to express what’s on my mind instead of keep it all stuffed up and muddled. That’s not always easy for someone who’s more comfortable writing it down on a piece of paper, safely hidden away from the daunting perils of other human beings. So… I’m trying to assert myself more, gracefully. Trying being the operative word, cause I’m not really sure how to do it gracefully all the time. It feels foreign and stilted, and unnatural. I feel like my landlord sometimes, like it’s going to come off as if I’m yelling at the top of my lungs “Whattaya think you’re doing!?” when I’m actually barely able to whisper it out… and then sometimes, it just comes out one big messy slushy gray blob of YUCK, accidentally.

So, I’m using my mental galoshes to wade through some stuff. They help, cause, well, ain’t nothing like stepping right down through that nasty-good-for-nothing-puddle knowing your feet will stay nice and dry…

so the puddles can be as nasty as they want… I will do my best to ballet dance right through them in my fancy plaid galoshes and blow them a kiss over my shoulder! Ta-ta!

xoxox
Meredith

PS- Oh yeah… if you are interested in the creative process, please check out my new blog I’ve started called Creativity and Other Dangerous Joys…